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14 Crazy Headlines We Might Miss Thanks to the Death of Newspapers

Daily Life In Athens As Greece Prepares To Go To The Polls newspapers
Oli Scarff, Getty Images

Newspapers have been in a steady decline for awhile now, but now it seems that the industry is knocking on death’s door or at least looking up the address to death’s house on Mapquest and trying to find its way there by asking someone on the way.

The New Orleans Times-Picayune is moving towards full digital distribution by laying off a huge portion of the staff and cutting back its publishing schedule. Just imagine the important headlines we could miss in the coming days when newspapers have gone away altogether.

1. ‘Gasoline Now Costs $10 a Gallon or One Healthy Human Organ’

2. ‘Greece Collapses, Gyro Imports on Hold’

3. ‘Mitt Romney Threatens to Sing in Public Again’

4. ‘Donald Trump’s Hair Has Nuclear Weapons’

5. ‘Masturbation Causes Obesity’

6. ‘Soccer Now America’s National Pastime’

7. ‘Exposure to Newspaper Ink Increases Risk of Herpes Contraction’

8. ‘Obama Releases Birth Certificate to Prove He Was Born on Earth’

9. ‘People Carrying 16 Ounces Sodas or Larger Now Considered to Be in Possession of Weapon of Mass Destruction’

10. ‘White House Inhabited By President Bieber, Vice President Bieber Clone’

11. ‘People Magazine Names Louie Anderson ‘Sexiest Man Alive’’

12. ‘Study Says You Suck’

13. ‘Congress Passes Something’

14. ‘ABC’s ‘The View’ Now Airing ‘After Dark’’

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