WASHINGTON (AP) — You promise in sickness and in health, but a new poll shows being a caregiver for a frail spouse causes more stress than caring for parents or the in-laws.

The Associated Press-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research poll found Americans 40 and over count on family to care for them as they get older, with good reason: Half of people 40 and over have been caregivers.

But neither the graying population nor their loved ones are doing much planning for long-term care. In fact, people are far more likely to disclose funeral plans to friends and family than reveal their preferences for assistance with day-to-day living as they grow older.

The poll shows support for policy changes to help, including tax breaks for long-term care and more community services.