New York City Claims: The Most 20 Likely Ways To Die In Upstate New York
New York City residents believe these are the most likely ways to die in the Hudson Valley. Do you agree?
As the News Director for Townsquare Media of the Hudson Valley, I always try to keep tabs on what others are saying about the Hudson Valley.
Hudson Valley Praised By New York Times
Just recently, the New York Times did an article about many veteran rockers and 1-hit wonders who have decided to "start over" in the "Hudson Valley and Catskills."
Forbes Highlights Hudson Valley
Most Likely Ways To Die In The Hudson Valley
These are just a handful of articles praising the Husdon Valley. Many times the Hudson Valley gets a glowing review.
So that's why I was initially so shocked to see an article from The New Yorker titled "The Most Likely Ways I Will Die in the Hudson Valley."
The Most Likely Ways To Die In The Hudson Valley
Over the weekend Blythe Roberson wrote the article. Roberson has lived in New York City for almost a decade but loves coming to the Hudson Valley. Roberson spends "every free minute" in the region but tells her family she's "much more likely to die upstate" than in New York City.
I have lived in New York City for nearly a decade, which means that I now spend every free minute I can in the Hudson Valley. Although many of my family members who live a thousand miles away are sure that I will be murdered in N.Y.C., I know they are wrong—I am much more likely to die upstate. Here are my theories on how.
Below are the "most likely" ways Roberson will "die in the Hudson Valley"
- Driving Off the Side of a Mountain
- Taking a Selfie on the Edge of a Waterfall
- Amtrak Derailment
- While I’m on the train, clapping because I saw a bald eagle.
- Hit By Train While Trespassing
- Murdered by Malcolm Gladwell
- Getting Shot By A Hutner
- Falling From the Top of a Fire Tower
- Getting Bitten by a Poisonous Snake
- Lyme Disease
- Tomato-Shock Syndrome
- Accidentally Shoot Myself in the Foot
- Stampede of Brooklyn Ladies
- Cut Myself in Half with an Axe
- House Fire
- Organs Explode from Drinking Too Much Seltzer
- Old House Collapses on Me
Roberson's article gives detailed reasons as to why she might die from each.
Now, before you get too upset, this article is featured in The New Yorker's "humor" section. So it's meant to be a joking article.
On top of writing for The New Yorker, Roberson is also a contributor to the Onion and wrote a book called “How to Date Men When You Hate Men.”